The Fatherhood Blog

While the role of fathers in the lives of their children cannot be overstated, I have observed in my own children that kids come as they are. Much of their personality is innate and seems independent of  my influence and teaching. I have also observed that as children grow into adulthood, their choices are their own and that they are ultimately responsible for the lives they create. Because of these seemingly competing observations about the importance of parents and the uniqueness of children I often wonder how much of my kids' outcomes in life are within my control?  What is within my sphere of influence and what is simply not my job? Clarity about our roles as fathers can help us focus on our most important responsibilities and forego the angst of daddy guilt. When I experience insecurity as a father, it's because I'm not sure I'm doing a good job. Sometimes when my children are sweet and kind and adoring they give me evidence that I am a great parent. But when...

I feel a little jealous when I observe the online communities of mothers--the robust dialogue, the introspection, the salient agenda, and the openness. There are even entire industries centered around resources, coaching, and education for moms. Performing similar searches for father-focused content highlighted a stark difference in the way that millennial mothers and fathers are coping with parenthood. So why hasn't a parallel community formed for fathers? In refining the purpose of this blog, I have asked a few of my peers what they need most as fathers. What could they use more support with and what are the things they wish they knew? The themes that emerged instantly from their responses point to shared challenges, and an opportunity for dad's to benefit from talking to each other. Balance The clear stand-out is the need for balance. How do fathers meet the demands of work, family, church, and self? During a recent interview regarding his article The Biggest Thre...

In trying to improve as a father, few things seem more natural than strengthening our relationships with our kids. But what if I told you the most important relationship in fatherhood is not with your children? In fact, the way we interact with our children is the product, not the cause of what we achieve as parents.  In the context of dating and marriage, I have heard it said that if you are not good with yourself, you will never be good with anyone else. I interpret this to mean that we cannot rely on external circumstance or other people to meet our needs and feel joy. Likewise with fatherhood, we need to be able to approach parenthood from a place of confident and strength, which can only be created internally. If we are looking to the behavior and achievements of our children to bolster our sense of identity and worth, we are sure to feel deflated and resentful. And if we want to improve as parents, we must start with the man in the mirror.  Self I like t...